What I like about Maryland

I have lived in Maryland most of my life and have come to appreciate a lot about it. While every other state and country have their points of interest and their own wonderful curiosities, I must admit I have grown quite fond of this state I call home for many reasons.

First and foremost- the bay. The Chesapeake Bay is the United States' largest estuary. It's home to more critters than I can count and is an incredible ecosystem. Of course, with everything water- it's quite difficult to keep clean and we are constantly working on preserving it as one of the nation's most incredible natural resources.

The diversity of land. If you want to live on the water- there are three different types of it to chose from. Fresh- from rivers and lakes, brackish- from the bay, and salt- on the ocean. While Delaware takes up most of the ocean side of the outer peninsula, Maryland does still retain some of the lower portion. Water not your thing? That's alright. You can make your home in the mountains in the western part of the state. There are cities, suburbs, and country you can chose from to make your home. And- while you can chose to live in an area that seems remote- no matter where you live, you are never far from a city somewhere. Just like- if you live in hustle and bustle- there is always a quiet patch of land that you wouldn't believe is so close to where you are. It's almost magical living in a state where traveling to the outermost reaches and back in a single day is possible.

The diversity of people. The United States is home to people of every color, size, shape, and creed. Perhaps because if its proximity to the nation's capital, Maryland is filed with different people. I love walking into a store and seeing people of every walk of life there. There is something miraculous about everyone being different, and yet knowing we're all the same. Oh yes, we think differently, we believe differently, and we behave differently, but we all think, we all feel, we all believe something. All different, all the same. Incredible.

The history. Maryland is located very close to the center of the original thirteen colonies. It is close to Philadelphia, Richmond, and literally encompasses most of Washington DC. The history of the entire country can be found in places nearby, and often near- or even on- sites where the actual events occurred. DC also has the main foundation of the Smithsonian Institution. The museums take you out of the area. Out of the nation. Out of this world. You can learn a lot just walking many of the state parks or going to the historical cities in and surrounding the state, but the fact that within a few hours you can reach out and learn about things far beyond any borders is amazing to me.

Of course, another reason that is very close to my heart is that my parents live in Maryland. I have always been close to my family and we spend a lot of time together. When we moved back down here from Northern New York, I would joke with my parents that we had seen them more in the first two weeks than we had in the last two years. It's great to be able to visit family on a whim. To not have to plan three or four days ahead of time, and to know that the road home is short and easy is one of the biggest blessings Maryland has to offer to me.

We all have sentimental thoughts about where we live, or where we come from. Every reason is truly the most important reason for the individual. While I may not understand why you love the place you live so much, I understand that you do. I'd never try to tell someone, "Oh, this place is so much worse and you shouldn't like it." But I most certainly know that Maryland is the best place ever!

For me, that is.

God bless and see you soon,

Joelle

Imaginary Inventings of Incredible Items

It has come to my attention that there are some rather strange objects in the world. While I'm sure there is an actual history to most of them (ok, to all of them) some real stories are painfully boring, while others are unknown to me. For this reason (and just because I wanted to), I present to you the reasons some of these items exist.

**The stories you are about to read are false. The time periods and historical facts are also false. Any similarity to actual people, places, events, and historical relevancy and context is purely coincidental, and probably accidental as well.**

The Necktie-

Simon Garfunkel was an ordinary seventeenth century tailor with an ordinary problem. He was a slob when he ate. Of course, utensils in the sixteen hundreds were still few and far between, so those who didn't have them had to work their way around by eating with their fingers. Simon never got the hang of eating with either and would constantly be soiling his shirts. For this reason, not only did he always tuck a napkin into his collar before sitting down to a meal, he would often bring an extra shirt while attending parties or other social events.

One day, after enjoying a particularly fine meal at the inn (a rare treat), Simon received an invitation to a party from the girl he had been courting. Unfortunately, the invitation was late- as the girl's father did not like Simon, and told the man delivering the invitations to be sure not to give him the invitation until he had only just enough time to get to the house- thinking that this would stop him attending. Simon got up in a great rush- and discovered he had forgotten to tuck his napkin into his collar! His poor shirt was terribly stained in the center- some dribbles heading towards his naval! He immediately started to the nearest powder room to change his shirt- when he remembered he had loaned out his extra shirt to his best friend.

Being a resourceful man, he swiftly snatched a few napkins from the table and cut and sewed them into a long, thin strip while walking to the party. This he wrapped around his neck and tied strategically so as to hide the stains on his shirt. Simon's new fashion startled many people, but he was such the talk of the party that at the next one, many of the young men in the area asked for him to also make them a "Tie around the neck" as well.

And so the necktie has been worn to fancy parties and considered a fashion icon ever since. To the chagrin of men who like to breathe everywhere.

The Flip Flop

"ARCHY!"

The sound of his mother made the young Roman jump up and run to the door.

"Yes, Mother?"

His mother held up what appeared to be a large tangle of leather with a look that said it all. She said it anyway.

"I've told you a thousand times. If you're going to go play in the streets, you MUST wear your sandals. There are things in the streets that are not safe to step in. If you can't war your shoes, you'll have to go into the courtyard. If I have to tell you one more time, I will tie them to you myself. And then I will ask Jupiter to ensure they will NOT come off your feet again."

Archy sighed. He knew it was no use arguing with her. Even though he had prepared charts comparing time saved by not wearing the sandals and the comfort and ease of movement without them versus the safety of the accursed things when faced with common problems in the streets- such as a horse and cart. He had spent hours writing it out. When he showed it to her, she sniffed, said, "If you spent half as much time studying as you do trying to keep your shoes off your feet, you'd be smarter than your tutors," and swiftly swept the courtyard- erasing all his hard work.

So, he ruefully took the sandals and started untangling them so he could weave them halfway up his leg. His friends came over and laughed as he fought with the lacing. None of THEM had to wear shoes. Only soft people- like girls and grown ups- wanted to or were made to wear them. Archy threw a knotted bundle at them and told them to stop cackling like women turning grain and help. They obliged, but a wayward giggle was still wont to slip from a mouth every once in a while.

That night, as always, Archie prayed to the gods for safety, security, and all the other things good little Roman boys were supposed to pray for. He then prayed- as he always did- for one of the gods to come down and show his mother what was what and that sandals were really just torture devices- especially when you got a rock in them. Tonight, however, he tacked on an extra thought as he drifted off to sleep, "Hey gods? If you can't make my mother understand, could you at LEAST show me a different way to get out of wearing them?" 

He never did say what he dreamed that night, but when he got up in the morning, he found one of the old chairs that no one used anymore, broke off the legs and tore it in half. He worked in secret well, as secret as anyone could be when your mother is hanging over your back and your friends are constantly pounding on the doorposts. After a week of shaping, and looking, and perfecting, and practicing, he emerged with the wood attached to his feet by slim thongs of leather running across them and between his toes.

His mom was not convinced, but when he showed her that they were, in fact, safer- by virtue of the wood instead of leather bottoms- she reluctantly agreed to allow him to wear them outside. He ran out to his friends, the wooden soles flipping and flopping behind him, but staying on and beneath his feet.

Thus, the flip flop was born.

From the Mouths of Cats

I've been stuck on this bar for the past two weeks.

Here I am, running the household, making sure I get love, food, brushed, and Charlie obeys my every whim, when suddenly they bring in this twenty pound orange fluffball that runs faster, jumps higher and barks more than two Charlies.

Bah.

I hate this dog.

Whenever I move, I'm chased and barked, well squeaked, at.

Yeah, I still have food, water and other basic amenities, and the people still come and cowtow to me when they get the chance, but it's not the same. I want to be queen again.

I keep getting told to smack him once really good and he'll leave me alone, but he's not that much bigger than I am. I don't want to hurt him by using my claws!

I'm sick of this. Next time they're let out I'll sneak over and sit on the lady person's lap.

Ahhh... This is niiiiice. Being loved. And not on that hard bar with no company. I could get used to this agai- Hey, where are you going? No! Don't let them in again!

Grrr. Why'd you do that? I don't want to go back. You know what? I'm not going to. I'll show him.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Stop squeaking and just go sleep somewhere.

*glare*

Wait.... 

It worked? 

I can stay here without the threat of being eaten?

This just might work out..... For today anyway.

Running the race- Twice

I used to help Dad coach teams for certain events. Racing was a part of them and he would constantly be telling the kids "Don't look at the people behind you! Keep looking forward! You already ran that part. You run the race twice by turning around!" Of course, most kids didn't understand what he meant, or how it could slow them down that much, but they DID try to keep their eyes focused in front. To avoid the good natured ribbing of my father if nothing else.

Monty could learn a thing or two from these "kids" (although many of them are adults now). Or perhaps they could learn more from him than words could ever tell. When he runs- while playing, or while trying to escape his kennel, or while trying to avoid us getting the chocolate bar, library book or other contraband item- he turns his head completely around and watches us, instead of where he is going. This causes him to run into every chair, table, wall and anything else in the way. He's often run straight into one of us, or Charlie. And tripping over his own feet is not out of the question either.

While it is terribly funny to watch, it literally takes him twice as long to get where he is going. He is so much faster than us, it doesn't matter in the long run to him, but if he was running from an opponent who could match his speed, he would have no chance of eluding them. 

So, while looking behind you to avoid your enemies or watch for problems might seem like a good idea, it is far more likely that your adversary would never be able to catch you if you just don't turn around at all in the first place! Run always looking to the END of the race. The goal. The finish line. Looking at how far you've gone could cause you to miss where you're going completely!

Hebrews 12:1-2

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

God bless and see you soon,

Joelle

Deadant. Deadant, Deadant deadant deadant! Deadaaaaaaannnnnnt!

***Warning. This post involves the killing of defenseless creatures. If you have a problem with such things, please discontinue reading now.***

Also, it's gross, and boring... And I just had to tell someone, ok?

Since Spring has sprung I've been fighting with ants in the house. The first day I saw one was two weeks ago. It was on the kitchen sink.

You must understand something before I continue. I hate ants. There is no reason for them in the house. Ever. At all. Have you seen the movie "Your's, Mine and Ours" With Lucile Ball? One of the opening scenes is a little boy with an antfarm. He is jumping up and down, shaking it out all over everywhere and screaming "I HATE ANTS! I HATE ANTS! I HATE ANTS!" While he was actually dispersing them throughout the house in his fury, I believe the temper tantrum and the words he spoke are completely justified.

I saw the ant and immediately changed my plans for the night. The entire kitchen was emptied, wiped down, and searched. I found no other signs of ants and decided to keep an eye out.

The next day I swept the bar. I found two more and put down Terro. The stuff is great. Sugar and water and borax. It kills them, while being ok if any of the animals we actually desire to keep eat it. Within an hour I was watching thousands and thousands of critters go to and from the syrup. I thought I could follow them out. Unfortunately, they went straight into the wall and I couldn't find the column outside- even though I am fairly certain that it is outside, as we had absolutely no problem until it got warmer. After several days, the column went down to almost nothing. They were now ignoring the poison, but still wandered about slowly.

I then discovered- quite by accident- that Pine Sol kills ants. Oh the wicked, perverted pleasure I got from running around with an eye dropper, killing the few ones brave and healthy enough to still enter the house with an eyedropper and a water/cleaner solution.

This morning it took me ten minutes to find a living ant before I swept and mopped. I was so happy, I didn't even bother messing with it. This was probably a mistake and I shall be overrun with them again in the morning, but for now, the battle is still contained in the bar room- where we store no food and spend little time. I am satisfied for the time being.

****Critter killing is over- For now. You may continue reading****

God bless and see you soon,

Joelle

As Seen on TV

I don't watch a lot of television, but when I do, I'm always surprised at the types of things advertised. Perhaps it's the channels I watch, but the most prevalent seem to be cleaning items and cooking utensils. While some of these are great (while I would never buy a swivel sweeper, I have used one and it is a nifty little device), a lot of them seem pretty much useless or much more high maintenance than really necessary. I've compiled a list of a few of the ones I am struck by most often as pretty much worthless.

Before you read further, remember that I did not own ice cube trays until someone visited and wanted ice in her water... And couldn't believe I had none.

The Perfect Brownie Pan-

Given the amount of brownies (or even cake- shaped items) I bake per month, I might not have a real purpose for a pan that's completely devoted to one thing, but I've never had a problem with "non square" brownies. Even when I cut them and they're not quite even, they still taste the same. I really have a hard time justifying a nine by thirteen three piece (Well, four, if you include the "special serving tray") baking pan when I already have one that works just as well. The way the brownies are divided also irks me. Why must I have one size brownie? I like a little one now, a big one later, a mid size one for lunch... You see why I don't bake them often....

PS. The middle pieces are also my favorite. Perfect brownie HAS no middle pieces. So there's less reason than most people for me to not buy them.

The Perfect Pancake-

This is basically two pans hinged together waffle- iron style.

You put the batter in.
Close the lid.
Wait.
Flip the pan.
Open the pan.
Serve with a spatula.

As opposed to using a spatula and a regular pan.

Put batter in.
Wait.
Flip.
Serve.

Fewer steps, one less pan to clean, and less chance of batter being flung in the stove if you flip too early.

As a bonus, you get a batter dispenser, which, I must admit is nice to have. But only if you're making three hundred pancakes and don't mind having leftover batter in your new mix- as they are nearly impossible to clean.

Bottle tops-

Don't you hate it when your open can of soda goes flat after you've opened it? Do you wish for a way you could keep your pop from loosing its fizz? Wait, you drink all the soda in a can before it goes flat or don't do so because you forgot about it? Yeah, me too. (Also, another pain in the butt item to clean)

Eggtastic!

Apparently, eggs are exceptionally wily things to work with, as there are many, many items specifically designed just for them. Among my favorites are-

EZ Cracker Egg Cracker

I actually very much doubt even I could look more incompetent than these people while trying to crack an egg the wrong way....

Egg Genie Electric Egg Cooker


Traditional boiled egg steps.

1. Boil water in pot
2. Add eggs
3. Set timer
4. Take eggs out with spoon
5. Wash pot

Egg Genie steps-

1. Measure correct amount of water into the the basin
2. Put tray for eggs over basin
3. Poke hole in each egg (Maybe if you need an EZ egg cracker to keep yourself from getting messy, you should have someone else do this step)
4. Balance eggs in tray.
5. Place lid.
6. Turn on.
7. DON'T get burned by the steam when you open it after it turns off!
8 Wash the basin, the tray, the specially designed egg-poker and the lid.

Erm.... I thought these things were supposed to make life easier...

You CAN also use it to steam veggies, but I seem to have better luck microwaving or pan cooking them than steaming anyway...

The Eggstractor Egg Peeler

Just... No.





ADDED BONUS


I loved stuffed animals when I was a kid and still have several, but there's a new breed of stuffed animals coming out I'm sure many of you (at least in the states) are familiar with. It's a Pillow Pet!

Alligator- Rawr!

I like the idea of shaped pillows. They're cute and fun. They're also apparently so popular that someone else wanted to make money off of the too! Welcome the Happy Nappers!

Dragon EATS Alligator!

I can't help but giggle...

Of course, with my looking for photos of these items, I found lists of "stupid" kitchen gadgets and was quite surprised to find a spoon rest on several lists. Using the counter for most women is ok. I just.... Yuck. I don't want to put a spoon that was in my food onto my counter no matter how clean it is. Blech. And I would definitely find space for a sandwich press. It has so many uses besides sandwiches, And I know it's a pain in the butt to clean up, but a double-quick grilled cheese with tomato that I don't have to worry about falling apart while flipping does have its appeal.

So yes, I think these items are ridiculous, but I'm sure people buy them and have their reasons for doing so. Just like I have my reasons for my "useless" kitchen tools. Why don't we let bygones be bygones and use our own tools the way we like. (But please TV people, do you really think we as a species that bad at cracking eggs?)

God bless and see you soon,

Joelle

Meeting Monty

We recently adopted a second dog. Charlie has terrible separation anxiety and since I do want to get a job somewhere, we wanted something to keep him company while we are both gone.

We started by looking on craigslist. While there were a ton of animals being put up for adoption, each owner we e-mailed had already sent the animal to a new home. While this was really great for the animals, it wasn't so good for the two of us who were looking for a dog. We decided finding a shelter would be a better idea after all.

To our surprise, there are very few shelters in the area, and most of them are fostering organizations with a laundry list of rules and regulations. While we really did want an animal, I really didn't feel like telling them about all the previous animals I've owned and how they died at what age, what type of flooring I have, how often I'm home, etc, etc.

There WAS, however, a shelter in Greenbelt that had hours a couple times a week. We decided that we'd visit, talk to them and maybe pick someone to go home with us.

We got there and it was tiny! We had to check with to make sure we were in the right place. We went in and there were three or four people there. We asked several questions and they let in the two dogs they had at the time. One was a Boston terrier, the other a Pomeranian mix. I have always loved both breeds and wanted both. Feisty, smart and tenacious mixed with sweet and loving. Both would have been a great choice for Charlie and both posed their own little problems.

After an hour of talking with them, and fifteen minutes of discussion outside (in the rain) we finally decided on the animal to take home with us. The only problem? His name was Charlie too!  We discussed for several days on what to name the little monster and we finally decided on Monsieur Montgomery Johanson of Machu Picucu (The place changes every time we call him the full name)

Or Monty, for short.