Imaginary Inventings of Incredible Items

It has come to my attention that there are some rather strange objects in the world. While I'm sure there is an actual history to most of them (ok, to all of them) some real stories are painfully boring, while others are unknown to me. For this reason (and just because I wanted to), I present to you the reasons some of these items exist.

**The stories you are about to read are false. The time periods and historical facts are also false. Any similarity to actual people, places, events, and historical relevancy and context is purely coincidental, and probably accidental as well.**

The Necktie-

Simon Garfunkel was an ordinary seventeenth century tailor with an ordinary problem. He was a slob when he ate. Of course, utensils in the sixteen hundreds were still few and far between, so those who didn't have them had to work their way around by eating with their fingers. Simon never got the hang of eating with either and would constantly be soiling his shirts. For this reason, not only did he always tuck a napkin into his collar before sitting down to a meal, he would often bring an extra shirt while attending parties or other social events.

One day, after enjoying a particularly fine meal at the inn (a rare treat), Simon received an invitation to a party from the girl he had been courting. Unfortunately, the invitation was late- as the girl's father did not like Simon, and told the man delivering the invitations to be sure not to give him the invitation until he had only just enough time to get to the house- thinking that this would stop him attending. Simon got up in a great rush- and discovered he had forgotten to tuck his napkin into his collar! His poor shirt was terribly stained in the center- some dribbles heading towards his naval! He immediately started to the nearest powder room to change his shirt- when he remembered he had loaned out his extra shirt to his best friend.

Being a resourceful man, he swiftly snatched a few napkins from the table and cut and sewed them into a long, thin strip while walking to the party. This he wrapped around his neck and tied strategically so as to hide the stains on his shirt. Simon's new fashion startled many people, but he was such the talk of the party that at the next one, many of the young men in the area asked for him to also make them a "Tie around the neck" as well.

And so the necktie has been worn to fancy parties and considered a fashion icon ever since. To the chagrin of men who like to breathe everywhere.

The Flip Flop

"ARCHY!"

The sound of his mother made the young Roman jump up and run to the door.

"Yes, Mother?"

His mother held up what appeared to be a large tangle of leather with a look that said it all. She said it anyway.

"I've told you a thousand times. If you're going to go play in the streets, you MUST wear your sandals. There are things in the streets that are not safe to step in. If you can't war your shoes, you'll have to go into the courtyard. If I have to tell you one more time, I will tie them to you myself. And then I will ask Jupiter to ensure they will NOT come off your feet again."

Archy sighed. He knew it was no use arguing with her. Even though he had prepared charts comparing time saved by not wearing the sandals and the comfort and ease of movement without them versus the safety of the accursed things when faced with common problems in the streets- such as a horse and cart. He had spent hours writing it out. When he showed it to her, she sniffed, said, "If you spent half as much time studying as you do trying to keep your shoes off your feet, you'd be smarter than your tutors," and swiftly swept the courtyard- erasing all his hard work.

So, he ruefully took the sandals and started untangling them so he could weave them halfway up his leg. His friends came over and laughed as he fought with the lacing. None of THEM had to wear shoes. Only soft people- like girls and grown ups- wanted to or were made to wear them. Archy threw a knotted bundle at them and told them to stop cackling like women turning grain and help. They obliged, but a wayward giggle was still wont to slip from a mouth every once in a while.

That night, as always, Archie prayed to the gods for safety, security, and all the other things good little Roman boys were supposed to pray for. He then prayed- as he always did- for one of the gods to come down and show his mother what was what and that sandals were really just torture devices- especially when you got a rock in them. Tonight, however, he tacked on an extra thought as he drifted off to sleep, "Hey gods? If you can't make my mother understand, could you at LEAST show me a different way to get out of wearing them?" 

He never did say what he dreamed that night, but when he got up in the morning, he found one of the old chairs that no one used anymore, broke off the legs and tore it in half. He worked in secret well, as secret as anyone could be when your mother is hanging over your back and your friends are constantly pounding on the doorposts. After a week of shaping, and looking, and perfecting, and practicing, he emerged with the wood attached to his feet by slim thongs of leather running across them and between his toes.

His mom was not convinced, but when he showed her that they were, in fact, safer- by virtue of the wood instead of leather bottoms- she reluctantly agreed to allow him to wear them outside. He ran out to his friends, the wooden soles flipping and flopping behind him, but staying on and beneath his feet.

Thus, the flip flop was born.